Q & A with Kerry Clare, Author of WAITING FOR A STAR TO FALL

I’m a big fan of Kerry Clare’s. She’s not only an extremely talented writer: she’s also a very generous person—someone who is endlessly supportive of her fellow authors. So naturally I couldn’t resist the opportunity to help spread the word about Kerry’s brand new book, Waiting for a Star to Fall, which is being published today. (Congratulations, Kerry!)

I recently had the opportunity to chat with Kerry about her book. What follows are my questions and Kerry’s answers.

I remember seeing one of your Instagram Stories about how the idea for this novel came to you. Could you talk a bit about that — how you know when an idea has the potential to become a novel and, more specifically, a novel that you want to write?

Photo Credit: Stewart Lawler

KERRY CLARE: This novel began with a photo in the newspaper of a politician who’d just started spiralling into supposed downfall because he’d been accused of sexual misconduct from years before and also because it was an open secret that he’d been having relationships with women who were much younger than he was and worked in his office. He was trying to defend his character, and then a few days later this photo emerged of him…with a much younger woman who had worked for him, apparently his “on-again-off-again-girlfriend.” The photo confirmed a lot of what people had been saying.

And I was so struck by this woman as a character, and by her role in as a character in someone else’s story. That she was still so young and would not fully understand just how young how for years and years. I was curious about her. And the complicating factor too of who was I to deny this woman agency, to infantilize her—even though she was clearly making terrible choices.

I knew immediately that this would likely be a very good idea for a novel because there was so much room for wondering, for exploration, and because there was so much about the idea that I didn’t know yet. And then I proceeded to just think about the idea for a few months, doing so much work in my head before I’d put a word on paper. All of this was a sign for me that I had a lot of material to work with, and that I’d be able to stay engaged and interested as I wrote.

I’ve read enough of your work to know that feminism is very much baked into your writing, whether you’re writing fiction or non-fiction. Could you talk a bit about that—what it’s like to be a feminist and a writer in 2020?

KERRY CLARE: I have always been a feminist, probably because I was raised by parents who taught me that deserved a place at the table, a piece of the pie. (What a gift that kind of confidence is.) But it wasn’t until 2016 and 2017, those most peculiar years, that I started flying my feminist flag so fiercely. Previously, I had been more engaged with seeking a kind of synthesis of ideas. You can see this in my first book, the essay anthology The M Word, which is definitely feminist, but which also contains range of ideas and approaches to motherhood and womanhood. I am fascinated by how different and disparate ideas can live together side-by-side, because that’s what the world is…but I decided to become less polite and understanding in response to anti-feminism as a growing movement. (Not surprisingly, I was spending a lot of time on Twitter during this period.) Can you fight polarization with further polarization? I don’t think so. But as anti-feminist ideas began to creep towards normalization, I couldn’t help but become more vocal about my own ideas and experiences. Feminism has given me everything—my pie, my place at the table. I want those same things for my daughters and for everybody’s daughters.

It has been a really crummy, dispiriting few years to be someone who cares about and values women’s lives and experiences. And yet—last summer I had this epiphany that readers are going to look back on this era as a terrific time for feminist writing. Commercial novels like Jennifer Weiner’s Mrs. Everything, and Marissa Stapley’s The Last Resort, and Karma Brown’s Recipe for a Perfect Wife. Megan Gail Coles’ Small Game Hunting at the Local Coward Gun Club. Fiction by young Black Canadian women writers like Rebecca Fisseha, Zalika Reid-Benta, and Jane Igharo—where previously there had literally been none. Fiction by Indigenous writers like Tracey Lindberg, Cherie Dimaline, and Dawn Dumont. There is a fierceness and a rage in these books, a brilliant, furious energy—and these books are going to survive, outliving all those awful men seeking to control women’s minds and bodies.

I feel really grateful to be writing and reading in the company of these writers and these ideas. Books are ever my solace.

Give me your 30-second elevator pitch for Waiting for a Star to Fall. What would you say to someone who hasn’t heard a word about this book?

KERRY CLARE: Girl falls for charismatic and charming older guy, putting all her faith in him. When this faith proves misplaced, she has to re-evaluate their relationship, and her whole identity, really. This is a book about love, power, and the ways our society mythologizes mediocre men. Somebody called it “a beach read with teeth” and I adore that. Writing fun books that people love to read is what I aim for. And for the record, I think we need beach reads all year round. You don’t even need a beach.

It Takes a Village to Raise a Writer

Today is an exciting day for me.

I am thrilled and honoured to be one of this year’s inductees into the Peterborough Pathway of Fame.

I am grateful that Peterborough has chosen me—just as I chose Peterborough.

My husband Neil and I made a conscious decision to move to the city back in 1988, when we were expecting our first child. We were attracted to Peterborough because of its high quality of life and because it was reasonably affordable for a young family. That way, our mortgage would be a little less crushing—although, to be fair, it still felt pretty crushing at the time!

Having a bit of financial wiggle room proved to be the game changer for me as a writer. I didn’t have to work full-time at a day job and then try to write books in the evening, after the four kids had gone to bed. I could afford to make writing my day job—to see if I actually had what it takes to establish a career as an author.

As it turns out, that gamble paid off. My books have sold over three-quarters of a million copies to date; and I just started work on a brand new book—Book 26, if anyone is keeping track.

But here’s the thing: I worry about the up-and-coming generation of writers. Will they have the same opportunity to pursue their writing dreams here in Peterborough, just as I did?

The math doesn’t seem to add up.

According to The Writers’ Union of Canada—Canadian’s national association for published authors—a typical Canadian author makes just less than $10,000 a year. That’s roughly 75 percent less than it was two decades ago, back when my very first book was being published. It’s never been easy to make a living as a writer in Canada, but in recent years it has become a whole lot harder.

And given that houses in Peterborough are getting more expensive, not less (an average home in the city now sells for well over a half-million dollars), I’m worried that the up-and-coming generation of Canadian writers simply won’t be able to afford to make Peterborough their home, like I did. It’s pretty clear that those sky-high housing prices pose an existential threat to the local arts community.

And so today I want to urge everyone in Peterborough who cares about the arts to understand the need to invest in arts funding and to ensure an adequate supply of artist-friendly housing (in other words, housing that artists can actually afford to live in). The City of Peterborough’s 2012 Municipal Cultural Plan noted that investment in arts, culture, and heritage yields an 18-to-one return on investment. That means that every dollar that a municipality invests in arts, culture, or heritage attracts roughly $18 dollars in added investment. And that’s just considering the impact of the arts in terms of dollars and cents. It’s impossible to calculate what the arts actually contribute to our collective quality of life.

So that, in a nutshell, is my hope for Peterborough—the community where I chose to raise my family and where I had the privilege of being able to establish my career as a writer.

I hope that Peterborough will acknowledge and celebrate its arts community in the very same way that I am being celebrated today.

I may be the writer whose name is being added to the Pathway of Fame, but it truly takes a village to raise a writer.

Thank you for being my village and for continuing to be the village for other writers.

Ann Douglas is the author of numerous books about pregnancy and parenting. She is also the weekend parenting columnist for CBC Radio. She wrote this speech for week’s Peterborough Pathway of Fame ceremony—an event that ended up having to be postponed due to rising COVID-19 numbers. The organizers hope to hold an in-person celebration when that becomes possible again.

Parenting in a Not-So-Empty Nest

Back-to-school season typically marks a rite of passage for parents of high school grads: the moment when that young person officially leaves the nest to head off to college or university.

Clearly, things are going to be a little different this year, with many students who would normally be leaving the nest living at, and studying from, home.

This was the focus of my most recent parenting column for CBC Radio. What follows are a few highlights of that conversation.

What having a not-so-empty nest may mean for parents….

Most of the empty nest research, which, admittedly, was conducted back in pre-pandemic times, found that having kids leave the nest is a milestone moment for parents—an indication that they’ve done their job by preparing their children to head out into the world on their own. So if kids aren’t able to do that this fall, some parents may find themselves grappling with a misplaced sense of guilt or even failure. They might even feel like they’re being harshly judged by other people for having kids who aren’t quite “ready to launch” right now.

It’s important for parents to recognize what’s triggering those kinds of feelings—deep-rooted cultural scripts that tell us that kids are “supposed” to leave home at a particular stage in their development—and that it’s our job as parents to prepare them for that moment. If the timing is off (our kids don’t “launch” at the expected time)—or if the kids have to “boomerang” back home again (as may very well happen this fall, depending how the next wave of the pandemic plays out on the college and university campuses that did choose to remain open), parents can be left feeling like they’ve failed at parenting!

If you’re a parent who is experiencing some of these misplaced feelings of guilt and failure, it’s important to know how to chase them away. The best strategy is to recognize and talk back to them: to remind yourself that you haven’t failed as a parent simply because your child hasn’t been able to leave the nest this fall as planned. You’re simply dealing with the fallout of a global pandemic—a situation that’s changed the entire landscape of parenting.

Of course, if you’ve spent the past year or two anticipating this moment—perhaps looking forward to having a little more time for yourself at this point in your life—you might be feeling a bit frustrated, or even discouraged, about the way things have played out this fall.

Or you might be feeling quietly joyful about the fact that you’re going to get to enjoy some bonus time as a family living under the same roof.

Or you might be feeling disappointed for your child—really empathizing with what they feel they’re missing out on by not being able to enjoy a more typical college or university experience.

Or you could be feeling all those feelings all at once! There’s no one-size-fits-all emotional response to any parenting experience and you’re definitely not limited to a single emotion. It’s okay to be feeling whatever it is you’re feeling.

…and for college- and university-aged kids

Young adults who find themselves attending college or university remotely this fall are definitely going to be feeling all the feelings, too.

They might be feeling really disappointed about not having the opportunity to spread their wings and leave the nest (this on top of the layers and layers of disappointments they’ve already faced this year, like not having a “normal” last year of high school or anything even remotely resembling a “normal” high school graduation).

They might be feeling angry about having to be treated like “little kids,” living at home with their parents at a point in their lives when they feel incredibly grown up and they want to be recognized as such by the wider world.

They might be feeling worried that they’re missing out on something magical or irreplaceable about in-person campus life. We have a tendency to tell high school students that college or university are going to be “the best years of your life!” which may or may not actually be true. But if that’s what you’ve been hearing for the past few years, of course you’ll be disappointed about missing out on that.

And, at the same time, they may be feeling secretly relieved about not having to deal with the risk of contracting COVID-19 on campus. Some of the stories of campus outbreaks in other jurisdictions have been pretty alarming, to say the least. They might be okay with the idea of hibernating at home.

Making the situation a little less stressful for yourself and your young adult child

Wondering what you can do to make the situation a little easier and less stressful for yourself and your child? Here are a few tips.

• Acknowledge and validate whatever it is they’re feeling. The situation is hard for everyone.

• Be patient with one another. Give one another the benefit of the doubt when misunderstandings occur and err on the side of kindness as much as possible.

• Remind yourself that your relationship with your young adult is going through a period of transition and that it takes time to figure this stuff out. There will be times when you’ll be guilty of treating your young adult like a little kid and times when they’ll be guilty of acting like a little kid! Your goal is to respect their growing autonomy while also maintaining that all-important sense of connection: anchoring them with the security of your love while giving them the freedom they need to figure out who they are and how they fit into the world (well, to the extent that this is possible for any young person right now).

• And, finally, instead of treating the months ahead as something negative—say, an unwelcome exercise in forced togetherness that is cramping the style of all concerned—try to flip that negative thinking on its head by reframing it as something positive: the chance to enjoy some bonus time as a family living under the same roof. The gratitude research tells us that it’s easier to feel grateful about a particular experience when you acknowledge that time is scarce—which could be as simple as thinking of the months ahead as a precious and limited time offer. Sure, we don’t know exactly what that means in practical terms—how many more weeks or months we’ll have together—but that doesn’t have to stop us from savouring the gift of this extra time, because it really is a gift—an unexpected extra inning in your life as a parent.

Ann Douglas sparks conversations that matter about parenting and mental health. She is the weekend parenting columnist for CBC Radio and a bestselling parenting book author. Ann is the creator of The Mother of All Book series and the author, most recently, of Happy Parents, Happy Kids and Parenting Through the Storm. A passionate and inspiring speaker, Ann delivers keynote addresses and leads small-group workshops at health, parenting, and education conferences across the country.

Managing Back-to-School Anxiety: Strategies for Helping Yourself and Your Kids

It’s shaping up to be a back-to-school season like no other: a year when parents and kids are being asked to make sense of a whole new set of rules for heading back to school. That’s triggering sky-high levels of anxiety for a lot of parents and kids, even though the first day of school is still a few weeks away. What follows is some advice on managing your feelings of anxiety and helping your kids to do the same as your family prepares for this one-of-a-kind back-to-school season.

Understand what’s fuelling much of the anxiety about this particular back-to-school season.

What most of us are finding really challenging right now is the uncertainty—not knowing exactly how things are going to play out once school starts. Sure, we can figure out what options are available to our kids and research all the policies and procedures that are being put in place right now to keep them safe, but that doesn’t change the fact that the COVID-19 situation is constantly evolving. No one knows for certain what the situation will look like even a few weeks from now, so we’re having to anticipate and plan for all kinds of different scenarios. Mentally cycling through all those “what ifs” can be exhausting.

And, on top of all that generalized worry, parents and kids are dealing with a lot of more specific worries and concerns. Will the safety measures being put in place at the school, school board, or provincial level be enough to keep everyone safe—both within the school and in the broader community? What will school look like or feel like this year? How easy or how difficult will it be for my child to adjust to the new rules of being at school? There’s a lot to worry about, in other words.

Recognize when you’re spinning your worry wheels in unproductive worry—a.k.a. engaging in what psychologists refer to as “rumination.”

A crucial first step in helping your child to manage their anxiety is recognizing and managing your own. (“Calm yourself; calm your child.”) Of course, this is much easier said than done—a fact I can attest to as someone who has struggled with anxiety for a very long time. But it is possible to learn some strategies for hitting the brakes on your anxiety.

One key strategy is to avoid what psychologists refer to as “rumination” (which basically means engaging in unproductive worry). Here’s how it works. Either you allow your brain to keep cycling through an endless loop of worry or—worse—you join forces with another person (a rumination buddy!) and the two of you end up fuelling one another’s worries. While it can feel like you’re doing something productive, worrying just for the sake of worrying is actually counterproductive. It leaves you feeling more anxious, not less—and it doesn’t do anything to solve the underlying problem.

The secret to sidestepping rumination is to notice when it’s happening and to make a conscious decision to focus your attention on something else—perhaps a different worry where you actually have an opportunity to take action to solve the problem, instead of just endlessly spinning your worry wheels.

Resist the temptation to endlessly second guess the tough back-to-school decisions you’re being asked to make.

It’s important to find a way to make peace with whatever decisions you’re being asked to make about your child’s schooling this year, whether you’re being asked to make those decisions right now or down the road.

In most cases, you’re going to find yourself being asked to choose between a couple of less-than-ideal options. That’s because we’re currently living in a less-than-ideal world: a world where a global pandemic is still raging out of control.

The way to make peace with the whole situation is to feel as comfortable as possible with the process you used to make your decision. Your goal is to be able to say to yourself, “I made the best decision I could with the information I had at the time” as opposed to endlessly second-guessing yourself.

And, at the end of the day, that’s all any of us can really ask of ourselves, right?

Help your children to manage their own back-to-school worries.

Most kids are dealing with two different categories of worries as they gear up for the new school year: worries about a particular situation and more generalized worries that stem from all the uncertainty surrounding the return to school this year.

To help kids to deal with specific worries, it can be helpful to encourage a child to identify the underlying issue or concern (“What if I lose my mask?”) and to then help the child to brainstorm possible ways of dealing with that issue (“What might you do in that situation? Who could you turn to for help?”)

To help kids to deal with more generalized anxiety about not knowing what to expect at school this year, it can be helpful to validate and normalize the worry. (“It makes sense that you’re feeling a little anxious. This situation is new for all of us. Everyone’s feeling a little worried”).

Your child might feel less anxious if you help them to focus on what is known (as opposed to what isn’t known) about the return to school. You might share information about classroom seating plans or hygiene routines or remote learning plans or whatever other types of information you’ve obtained from the school.

It can also be helpful to give kids the opportunity to work on their develop flexible-thinking skills (which means their ability to adjust to a changing situation in real time). Depending on your child’s age and abilities, you might want to give them a chance to practice this skill in a fun and non-threatening way (say changing a key rule in a board game halfway through the game, like moving around the board in the opposite direction; or making some small tweaks to your family’s day-to-day routine, like having breakfast for dinner one night). It can also be helpful to talk about flexible-thinking skills: to get kids thinking about thinking!

Know how to spot the warning signs that a child is really struggling and might benefit from some added support.

There’s a world of difference between garden-variety anxiety (which all of us are feeling) and a much heightened level of anxiety that could indicate that your child is really struggling.

So how do you go about deciding when or how much to worry?

• By being tuned into what your child is trying to tell you—both through their words and their behaviour. Remind yourself that behaviour is communication (an angry outburst can mean “I’m really, really anxious”) and also be alert to any physical symptoms that could be associated with stress: say headaches or stomachaches, for example.

• By being on the lookout for changes to your child’s behaviour—eating habits, sleeping habits, activity level, energy level and mood.

• By considering whether your child’s anxiety level is starting to interfere with their ability to function or their overall enjoyment of life. What is your gut instinct telling you about the severity of the situation, given everything you have come to know about your child?

If you decide that your child would benefit from some outside help, the good news is that schools, child and youth mental health services, and other people who care about the wellbeing of children, youth, and their parents are aware that everyone’s anxiety levels are extra high and they’re offering a lot of additional supports for families. You don’t have to handle this on your own and neither does your child. You can tap into some of that support.

Recognize that there are still some things within your control (even though it might not feel that way).

Yes, the situation this year is really, really tough, but the situation isn’t completely out of your control. There are things you can do to help yourself and your kids to feel happier and calmer even if your family's back-to-school worries aren’t about to disappear anytime soon.

• You can make sure everyone’s getting enough sleep (because being sleep-deprived can actually cause you to feel more anxious).

• You can focus your attention in ways that work for, not against, you. It could be a matter of making a conscious decision to dig yourself out of a worry rut (like telling yourself, “I’ve thought about that worry long enough. Now I’m going to focus my attention on this other activity” (ideally a thoroughly engaging and enjoyable activity that requires a lot of concentration so that you can actually enjoy a mini-vacation from the worry.

• You can remind yourself be extra kind to yourself and other people. Change is hard and we’re going to be dealing with a lot of extra change this particular back-to-school season, as we figure out the new rules of heading back to school. Relationships are what are going to carry us through this strange and uncertain time. So this year, think “reading, writing, ‘rithmatic, and relationships,” with “relationships” being the most important “R” of all.

This blog post was based on my most recent parenting column for CBC Radio.

Ann Douglas sparks conversations that matter about parenting and mental health. She is the weekend parenting columnist for CBC Radio and a bestselling parenting book author. Ann is the creator of The Mother of All Book series and the author, most recently, of Happy Parents, Happy Kids and Parenting Through the Storm. A passionate and inspiring speaker, Ann delivers keynote addresses and leads small-group workshops at health, parenting, and education conferences across the country.

Strategies for Parenting Through a One-of-a-Kind Summer

It’s shaping up to be a summer like no other—a summer when every single one of us is being asked to play by radically different rules. Multi-generational family reunions and neighbourhood barbecues are definitely off the table. Ditto for soccer tournaments, baseball games, and overnight camps for kids—or at least in their usual form. It’s a challenging time for everyone—and for parents in particular. What follows are some words of encouragement for any parent who is wondering if they actually have what it takes to make it through this one-of-a-kind summer. (Spoiler alert: You do!)

Yes, the struggle is real

Summer is a challenging time of year for parents at the best of times—and what we’re dealing with right now is anything but the best of times. In normal times—non-pandemic times!—we often find themselves caught up in a summer-long work-life tug-of-war, one that typically involves spending a small fortune on childcare and/or summer camp programs in an effort to feel a little less torn and a little less guilty. And, again, that’s in normal times—when all those kinds of programs are actually available to us.

Right now, most of those programmes and supports are simply not available (or not available in their usual form), which means that the stress associated with work-life imbalance has been dialled up immeasurably this summer. Add to that the fact that most of us are already three months into a massive (and previously unimaginable) work-life juggling act and you can see why so many of us are already feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. And summer hasn’t even officially started yet….

How to tame the feelings of guilt and overwhelm

The good news is that there are things we can do to tame the feelings of guilt and overwhelm; and it all starts with recognizing exactly what’s fuelling those less-than-great feelings. What we’re talking about here, of course, is “role conflict”—what happens when one of your important life roles collides with another one of your important life roles. Let’s say you find yourself feeling guilty about having to placate your toddler with yet another video while you participate in Zoom call after Zoom call at work—or embarrassed when your kids start fighting in the background when you’re on a conference call with your boss’ boss! What most of us are dealing with right now is pretty much a worst-case scenario when it comes to role conflict.

The question, of course, is what to do about it.

Here are a few ideas.

• For starters, we can try to dial back the expectations that we’re placing on ourselves. A lot of those expectations might be perfectly attainable during normal times—but, as I’ve said repeatedly, this is anything but a normal time. You’re being asked to be all things to everybody all at once—and without having access to your usual supports. It if feels like it’s impossible, that’s because it is impossible. There’s simply not enough of you to go around.

• We can also dial back the expectations that other people are placing on us. That might mean having a conversation with your employer about what’s realistic or even possible for you right now; or having a heart-to-heart conversation with your family about the juggling act you’re try to pull off right now and how they might be able to make that a little easier for you. (Okay, it’s tough to negotiate with a baby, but your teenager may be able to help you out a little.)

• It also means having a strategy for “task switching” so that you can consciously redirect your attention from work to family and back again without feeling mentally exhausted and overloaded. That could be as simple as planning for interruptions and having a strategy for refocusing your attention once you’re able to switch back to the original task. (That could be as simple as writing yourself a quick note: “Do this next.”)

• It also means having rituals in place to cue yourself and your family that you’re switching from family to work mode—and vice versa. That could be something as simple as stashing your laptop from work in a drawer when you’re finished your working day, as opposed to leaving it on the counter, where it is likely to beckon to you and intrude on family time. That’s mentally exhausting for you and your entire family. It can feel like you’re living in an office—and, really, who wants to spend their summer living in an office? Not you, not me, not anyone….

Acknowledge and tap into your many strengths as a parent

It’s easy to fixate on your shortcomings as a parent; it can be harder to give yourself credit for your many strengths. Here’s a quick exercise you can try at home that may make it easier for you to do just that.

Step 1: Think about a friend who knows you and your family well. What words would that friend use to describe your greatest strengths as a parent? Maybe you’re funny or creative or energetic or endlessly patient and kind. Who knows? Maybe you’re all those things!

Step 2: Then, once you’ve acknowledged those strengths, treat them as a resource you can draw upon this summer to make life easier and better for yourself and your kids. Let’s say your strength is creativity. Recognizing that strength might inspire you to find creative ways to deal with the work-family juggle or to plan the best-ever family “staycation.”

By the way: this is a great exercise to share with other parents you know who may be being really hard on themselves right now—and odds are that’s pretty much every parent you know….

Dare to make some exciting summer plans, even though those plans might have to be rejigged

Summer is usually a time of year when we make exciting plans, but this year a lot of us are worried about making those kinds of plans in case everything has to be cancelled at the last minute. (Hey, it’s an ever-present reality right now.)

And yet, having something to look forward to is important for parents and kids alike. Do any of us want to live through a summer where there’s not a single fun thing to look forward to all summer long (especially when that summer is arriving hot on the heels of a spring made up of oh-so-many disappointments)? No, we do not.

You’ll want to have a Plan B, C, and D — as opposed to just a Plan A — when you’re making plans this summer.

Fortunately, there’s a science-backed planning strategy you can use that will allow you to (a) make plans and (b) to adjust those plans as needed without feeling crushed by the resulting disappointment if your initial plan ends up being derailed. It involves making a plan, allowing yourself to feel excited by that plan, anticipating as many potential obstacles as possible, and then coming up with ways to troubleshoot those various obstacles. This strategy will increase your odds of being able to proceed with your plans—and make it easier to bounce back if you have to rethink or rejig those plans (as you very well might).

The strategy is called WOOP (which stands for “wish, outcome, obstacle, and plan”) and it is the brainchild of psychologist Gabriele Oettingen. Here’s how it works.

Let’s say you want to plan a family camping trip. That’s the wish. The outcome (what you want to experience) would be time spent in nature as a family. The obstacles might include not being able to book a campsite at a particular park on a particular weekend or dealing with a last-minute curveball if the parks have to close down again. You then come up with creative ways of dealing with all those anticipated obstacles—a plan, in other words. If you can’t get a campsite at a particular park, maybe you could try to get a reservation at a different park or maybe you could move your trip to a different weekend. If the parks have to close down again, maybe you could find a different way (a non-camping way) to spend time in nature with your kids. Anticipating and planning for obstacles makes cancellations feel less disappointing because hope is never entirely lost. Sure Plan A just fell apart, but you still have Plan B, C, and D!

Recognize that this still has the potential to be a pretty great summer, all things considered

It’s easy to focus on all the things that won’t happen—or can’t happen—this summer. But doing so can leave you feeling discouraged and defeated: like nothing about this summer is within your control.

But here’s the thing: some things are still very much within your control. For example, you still have control over the kinds of memories you choose to create with your kids this summer: moments of connection, conversation, and fun. That might mean seizing upon opportunities to learn and grow together—to engage in the deep thinking and shared reflection that doesn’t always happen when life is zooming along at its usual speed. And given everything that’s happening in the world right now, the moment seems ripe for heart-to-heart discussions and wild re-imaginings.

It all starts with resisting the sense of meaningless and powerlessness that so many of us are feeling right now, and choosing to make meaning and embrace your power instead. Remember: you have the opportunity to set the emotional tone for your family—to help your family to make this a really good summer. Maybe not the best summer ever, but a pretty great summer, nonetheless.

This blog post was based on my most recent parenting column for CBC Radio—on “Summer Parenting Strategies.”

Ann Douglas is the weekend parenting columnist for CBC Radio and the author of numerous books about parenting, including, most recently, Happy Parents, Happy Kids and Parenting Through the Storm. Subscribe to her YouTube channel for practical tips and short messages of encouragement about parenting.